Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Losses you can blame on your children.

As a Mother there are so many things you can blame on your children when you lose them. Right off, the first tto go is your sleek and sexy abdominal muscles. Forfeit them to stretch marks. Your ability to tie your own shoes goes as well, sometime between month five and nine of pregnancy. During birth, you lose your privacy.

Really, what is private about privates when you are laying in a bed, legs spread, and everyone is staring at your nether regions? During the whole process you don't even notice, because you are too busy trying to figure out what the difference between pant and push is, and why you decided to have kids in the first place. Junior gets the best view though, all the way out.

Then the after birth losses start; saggy breasts, loss of sleep, loss of girlish figure... the list goes on and on.

Some losses are just not what you expected. My girlfriend lost half a morning once, arguing with a two year old to convince him to unlock her (running) car and praying that he didn't find the gear shift or the sharpie marker collection. I lost half an hour once, because my keys were in someones bright green fuzzy purse. I KNOW I'm losing my mind. I'm losing my ability to get up and go. I'm even losing my money.

So what, I think to myself. I can blame pregnancy hormones. But no, readers digest has to publish some research showing that all this extra estrogen is good for my memory instead of bad. If estrogen is so good for my memory, that means Cora is responsible for misplacing my bank card right?

Excuse me, I have to go flash another old credit card in front of her, and ask her where the pretty green and white one is that she took out of my purse. I thought this wasn't supposed to happen until the teen years.


jpagens said...

Cha-ching! Teddy bears for everyone! I'll take two, Cora.

wendy said...

At age two when they take your credit card it is to play with the card. During their teen years they take your credit card to buy toys to play with! That my dear is the difference.