Wednesday, April 2, 2008

What a Load of Hoey.

I have this great two year old. She and I just made noodles and cheese for lunch, and the package says we could win a trip to Kennedy space center. OH how exciting! Kennedy space center, astronaut training and nerd vacation at the finest. Cora got excited. She wanted to be an astronaut. We read the rocket book Uncle Shorty got her for christmas. She likes that book.

Together, we logged on to thecheesiest.com and got ready to enter her in the contest. We start her birthday. She is telling me the month (after I have told her). She tells me the day (same routine) Then we talk about year. I press on the drop down menu, only to discover that 2006 is not available. Okay, so they don't excpect two year olds to be computer savy. I look for my birth year (sorry, not about to put that on public space). Its not there.

Thats when i read the little disclaimer at the bottom of the brightly colored page. Open only to 6-14 year olds. Evidently two year olds can't be interested in going into space, or intelligent enough to enjoy space camp. What a load of hoey.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

"Nap" time.

As those of you might surmise, a cold in a small child brings about all sorts of good and bad changes. The Bad ones range from excessive snot to bright red butt rash. The Good ones are that Cora with a cold has the energy of a normal child. We have nap time again!!!!!

I love nap time. Nap time gives me a chance to nap too! Nap time has beautiful ritual. Nap time is warm, cuddly and fuzzy. Really warm cuddly and fuzzy. It has two stages; start up, and sleeping period. Sleeping period never lasts as long as start up.

First, Cora gets the treat of turning on the TB. I think its actually TV, but the V sound is hard to make. I sit down in the comfortable "one butt" sized red chair and find a good boring show to watch.

Cora then brings the nap essentials; moms crocheting project, moms fuzzy water... wait, Cora needs more milk!

I get out of the comfy chair, and fill the milk. I've thought about teaching her to fill it, but the idea of her casually pouring milk from a container she can barely lift makes me strangely nervious. Once I'm done, I sit back down and Cora continues to grab the nap essentials; Coras chocolate milk, Coras magic blanket,Puppy, the puppy purse, Frog... wait! Mom has to pee! (Hey I'm pregnant... thats like every half hour right now.)

I go use the bathroom. This time i check the milk levels before i sit down again. Cora starts the loading process all over; Moms project, Moms water, Coras milk, Coras blanket, Puppy, the puppy purse, Frog, Mr. Chicken, his brother Mr. Chicken, the three duckies (ike, harry and big mac), "Clint" the english bear, moms afgan, coras light green blanket, a knitted blanket for cora, a pink blanket for cora, the freindly cat zarya...

Once I am no longer visible under the large pile, Cora tries to climb up onto the chair. Thats not bad. Its a one butt sized chair, but My lap has not been totaly consumed by the baby belly yet. Unfortunately, Cora isn't an on lap sitter.

Cora has to sit NEXT to me, specifically on my left side. She mushes, she pushes, she complains. I tilt my hips up onto the edge of the chair to allow coras butt to slide comfortably down to the cushion. This means that the baby belly is pressing into Coras side.

I can already tell that Baby likes naptime too. What is better entertainment than trying to kick your sister while in-vitro and free from all chances of reprecussions? Whilst Cora and I arrange the fifty two million stuffed creatures and blankets to our satisfaction, Baby rallies to this new target.

Unfortunately, two year olds don't understand that its the baby IN Mom doing the kicking. They just give you dirty looks (see weekly photos) and say "hey!" in a loud offended voice.

Eventually, Cora gets used to the odd bumbs, or baby tries for some other target, like those conveniently close floating ribs and spinal column (gee look, something more fun!)

Cora starts sucking her thumb,and begins to nod off. Cora is comfortable. I am not. I'm HOT, I'm squished in a chair with a HOT two year old, and covered by the fifty two million stuffed creatures and blankets necessary to get the two year old to fall asleep. I am however happy. There will be a nap. What a treat!

It happens, that magic moment when the little eyes close and the little body slows its breathing down to the sleep state. Cora sleeps like her Dad. Once out, she could sleep through a death-metal concert or an earthquake, or both. I can now dump 90% of the stuffed creatures on the floor, knock off most of the excess blankets and mush my hips back to the comfortable position on the chair. Now I can close my eyes. Now I can enjoy that beautiful event called Nap Time.

I'm asleep. It always happens when i've just fallen asleep. That really annoying and loud Cell phone rings. I don't sleep like my husband or daughter. I sleep like my cat. Loud noises cause me to awaken with my claws fastened to the ceiling and enough adrenalyn to power a football team. Fortunately, a direct vertical exit from the chair doesn't disturble the small zombie in the slightest.

Nap time is so beautiful. I get time to calm my nerves and write amusing little stories about being burried alive by fifty two gazillion stuffed animals.

Post Script: Actually the ten regulars to the animal party are really cute. I like them too. Cora sometimes brings a bunny just for me. She's so thoughtful.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Sick Children and Snot Factories

Children get sick. It has to do with their hygenic eating and living habits, either that or the fact that they share food with everything, from animals to the carpet. Right now, my daughter has a cold. Nasty little viruses, these are not as harmful as they are messy. A day low on food and a couple nights without sleep are all livable by a healthy child. The only problem is that sick children don't understand what is happening to their bodies.

Last time she got sick, it was the flue. It lasted all of the five days it was supposed to, and only had one concerning day of vomiting. Children of two don't understand vomiting at all, they are just distraught. Distraught children want to hug their comfort devices; Mom, Dad, Magic Blanket, and Puppy. Distraught children vomit into their own arms, which are usually clutched around one or more of the previous four items.

The trick is to press your cheek against theirs so you face the same direction. They can still hug your neck, and you get the benefit of controlling where the vomit ends up, most of the time. Even with a strong grip, they still manage to turn toward you at the last possible moment.

Colds, fortunately, involve a less offensive set of problems; coughs, mucus and sleeping issues. Every time she coughs heavily she assures me "I'm okay, I'm okay." She sleeps well for a sick child.

It is the twitch that I find most disgustingly fascinating. It is very rare that a child gives pre-warning of its intent to create a mess. Her little nose will start moving, and then her face will scrunch up. I have yet to get over my fascination enough to stand up and get a Kleenex at that point and time. Then it hits, with a force that rivals adult sneezes, and it expels from a 1/2 inch long nose, one and a half inches of snot worm. With the releaf only a small child can feel she lets out a satisfied smile, while the mucus begins to slide slowly down her face.

Its gross. Its disproprtionally large compared to her size. Its probably more impressively large than the first few good poops that a 8 lb baby produces. Then there is the repetition.

Poop only happens every hour or two. Snot comes every five minutes to twenty minutes. I've probably cleaned five pounds of the sticky liquid off of my daughter in the last 24 hours. thats one fifth of her weight. How does she produce it all?