Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Grocery Store Panic

This Monday I took both children grocery shopping with me. Considering how badly things can and have gone at stores with the two, I'm amazed how well they went. There were only two incidences of paniced running to the bathroom with a two year old whose bladder control is barely existant. Best yet, I knew where the bathroom was. Nothing is worse than a store whose bathrooms are hidden in a distant location, and require instructions, especially when you are holding the child with their crotch against your body. If they lose it, you get soaked.

Cora did cause a moment of panic in the store though. It was not because she dissappeared either. We were in the vegi section. She was walking with me, which is a great way of getting your cart loaded down with produce. She retrieved tomatos, cucumbers and a hand full of garlic heads, all of which were not on my list. While she was checking out the snow peas, she discovered the worst mistake the produce employees could make.

I didn't actually see the discovery, but I'm sure the lightbulb above her head was the size of a blimp. All I heard was an elderly ladies voice from behind me go "uh oh! There is trouble!"

Its amazing how I associate the word trouble with my daughter. I turned just in time to see her press the trigger on the hoze nozzle and shoot a stream of water all over the displayed vegitables. As I began sprinting toward her, I watched her eyes turn bright blue and sparkly and the nozzle head turn toward me.

Fortune smiled upon me. I did not get a shower in the Meijers produce aisles, but I did get a bit of a scare. What idiot left the hose down there anyways?

Where are they? I want to spray them. While I'm at it, I'll get those two ladies who stared down their noses at me like I was some degenerate parent.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Why Newness Does Not Last

Within 24 hours of being in my house, my new couch absorbed spilled juice and baby puke. I expected this sort of abuse. I purchased with this sort of abuse in mind, but it always gets me that small children both gravitate toward new objects in the house and manage to destroy thier newness.

Friday I purchased a new pair of jeans and a flannel shirt. With a burp rag on my lap, i sat in a chair with my youngest, talking and holding her. She had not eaten in over half an hour, putting her outside the regurgitation period.

I hear a pop noise coming from her, and look down. A huge glob of baby puke exits her mouth with a surprisingly large horizontal tragetory. It totally misses the aforementioned burp rag, and instead flops down on the zipper panel of my new jeans. The slimey goo refused to wipe gracefully, and left a strong odor of stale milk in its wake. The jeans went in the wash, and the baby went back to Daddy while I changed.

Nyobi never pukes like that. The one day she does, I have on jeans I've worn for less than 24 hours. So much for new.

Newness does not last because children are present in a home. Some weird feng shui balance principle reserves the title new for them.