Thursday, January 29, 2009

Vacation Adventure #4 (The last one)

Hopefully you have been taking notes of the toilet vs. Cora theme of this vacation. It really was a battle, and one which the child did not really win. Our last meal out was at The Cheesecake Factory, at the Mall at St. Matthews. The girls and I met my husband and his friend for a delightful dinner sized lunch and a couple pieces of super delicious cheese cake afterward. Once we joined up, Cora and I went to use the girls room.

All went well, until Cora leaned forward to say she did not want to go potty, she wanted to see Dad. From behind her, the potty interrupted with one of the loudest flushes I ever heard. It was an automatic flush toilet.

Now, adults understand how auto-flush work, infrared beams that track your bodies position, and start the flush process once you have moved close and then far away again.

A three year old does not.

What a three year old understands is that the toilet does not flush on command, but rather when it wants to. That the toilet is out to get them, and wants to flush them down the drain with their poop and pee. Toilets 3; Cora 1

I do not usually get cried on by a half naked child in public restrooms, but this time it happened. When we took her to the bathroom at the end of the meal and I tried to get her to pee. She cried again, earning me looks of distaste from other rest room users. Toilets 4; Cora 1. Three hours later when we stopped at a rest area to use the bathroom, she refused. Toilets 5; Cora 1.

At five hours, when we stopped for dinner, there was no choice. I had to make her go potty, regardless of her tearful pleas. I took her in the rest room with me alone. I peed. I showed her the toilet did not eat me, did not flush until I pressed the lever, and for the most part behaved itself.

Unconvinced, she cried as I tried to pull her pants down and struggled. I did my second to last option. I yelled. That did not work. Finally I offered her the choice; pee or be spanked. It is a good thing that I was convincingly evil. If you are convincingly evil, your child doesn't realize you will not spank them. They think you are serious.

Trembling with nervousness and sucking in breath after breath of half tears she crept up on the potty, peed and then gingerly slunk off. She was in my arms in an instant as I cooed to her about bravery, and congratulated her for overcoming the monster.

Does anyone know who invented the self flushing toilet. I would like to send her or him a letter expressing my true and unedited opinion of the creation.

I should not blog at meals. Cora just gave me the crusts of her grilled cheese and took my center.